Letting Go Of Social Anxiety and Living In Peace and Joy

I am writing this course because I know firsthand how difficult Shyness and Social Anxiety can be. I almost didn’t want to share this course because its techniques are quite different from what you might normally be taught and I thought many might not take me seriously.

This is part of the reason why I made this course free. 

I will be using a technique called The Sedona Method. This method has completely changed my life. In fact, I used to be terrified of talking on the phone and would write down what I wanted to say to order a pizza on the telephone. Now I run support groups. I even did group therapy as a Peer Specialist at a local psychiatric hospital.

Please note that I am not a Sedona Method coach or facilitator yet. However, I will try to teach you The Sedona Method as best I can and how I used it to overcome my social anxiety. For completeness, please refer to the book. (Please note I will earn a small commission).

This course, will not be a long course. My purpose is to get results and not create reading material. If you have social anxiety, I’m sure you know what it is and what it feels like. Instead, I’d rather just get started on delivering results.

I’d like you to approach this course with an open mind and lead from your heart (feelings). The techniques taught in this course are not traditional psychology. However, they worked miracles in my life.

This is not a passive course. Therefore, you will need to take action. You may feel uncomfortable, but don’t worry this course teaches you how to manage your distressing feelings before and after social experiences, plus shows you how to remain calm during social encounters.

Why Am I Socially Anxious?

Sometime in your life, you developed a fear of embarrassment. Basically, for me, it was bullying in grade school. It might also be hereditary as it is an issue in my family. However, my parents were not socially anxious, so I don’t think I learned it from them. 

You believe that you will do something in a social situation that will cause you to be embarrassed, shameful, or guilty. Therefore, you seek approval from other people to secretly approve of yourself. Basically, you want to feel secure in and in control of social situations.

Eventually, we will be learning to let go of this wanting approval, security, and control.

Brief Introduction To The Sedona Method

My life greatly changed once I bought a book called The Sedona Method. I could let go of my fear (at least a little) and face social situations with more confidence. Eventually, the more I faced my fears by letting go of the fear, the more confident I felt.

Even if I did slip and get nervous, I could let go afterward and not relive the painful experiences.

The idea of The Sedona Method is that feelings are just feelings, they don’t necessarily relate to reality and you can let them go.

I will teach you the basics of The Sedona Method and then later share ways that I found helpful to use The Sedona Method specifically for social anxiety.

The Basic Releasing Process

For now, I want you to think of a mildly upsetting memory. I want to you welcome how you feel, the sounds, the pictures… Welcome it all.

Sometimes we spend so much energy resisting our feelings that just by welcoming them, they get easier to face.

Once you have fully welcomed your feelings about the situation, ask yourself “Could I let this feeling go?” This means are you able to.

Yes or no are both acceptable answers.

Often I feel like I can not let the feeling go, but by being honest, and answering no, I will find that I let go a little.

Next, ask yourself “Would you let this go?”

This means are you willing to? Do you want to hold on to the feeling or let it go?

Again both Yes and No are acceptable answers.

Finally, ask yourself when? This is an invitation to let go now.

If you feel any shift in your experience, the process is working. You usually only partially let go of the feeling. Just welcome the remaining parts of the feelings and continue the process over again as much as you can to let the feeling go.

Releasing Through The Emotions

The Sedona Method says there are 9 emotional states. From lowest to highest, they are apathy, grief, fear, lust, anger, pride, courageousness, acceptance, and peace.

Pay close attention to fear if you suffer from social anxiety. However, you may feel apathy over having the fear and feeling that you can’t escape it. You may feel grief over a lack of friends or a romantic partner. You may lust over other people’s ease in social situations.

Eventually, as you let go of these limiting feelings, you get to higher emotional states like pride, courageousness, acceptance, and peace. You may not want to let these feelings go but if you do, you will find you just get more of the peace and joy that you are at your center.

Please don’t take my word for it. Do the work yourself and see.

Apathy

In apathy, our minds are often so noisy that we go numb. The pictures in our minds are limited and destructive. We only see how we can’t do it and how no one else can, either.

Here are some words that describe apathy:

Bored, Can’t win, Careless, Cold, Cut-off, Dead, Defeated, Depressed, Demoralized, Desolate, Despair, Discouraged, Disillusioned, Doomed, Drained, Failure, Forgetful, Futile, Giving up, Hardened, Hopeless, Humorless, I can’t, I don’t care, I don’t count, Inattentive, Indecisive, Indifferent, Invisible, It’s too late, Lazy, Let it wait, Listless, Loser, Lost, Negative, Numb, Overwhelmed, Powerless, Resigned, Shock, Spaced out, Stoned, Stuck, Too tired, Unfeeling, Unfocused, Useless, Vague, Wasted, What’s the use?, Why try?, Worthless

Take some time to think about the last you felt apathy and allow yourself to welcome whatever comes up in this moment.

Could you allow yourself to welcome this feeling as best you can?
Could you allow yourself to let it go as best you can?
Would you let it go?
When?

Repeat the process until you let go of some or all of your apathy.

Grief

When we experience grief we see our pain and loss, often getting lost in these pictures. Our thoughts revolve around how much we hurt, what we have lost, and whether we can get anyone else to help us.

Abandoned, Abused, Accused, Anguished, Ashamed, Betrayed, Blue, Cheated, Despair, Disappointed, Distraught, Embarrassed, Forgotten, Guilty, Heartbroken, Heartache, Heartsick, Helpless, Hurt, If only, Ignored, Inadequate, Inconsolable, It’s not fair, Left out, Longing, Loss, Melancholy, Misunderstood, Mourning, Neglected, Nobody cares, Nobody loves me, Nostalgia, Passed over, Pity, Poor me, Regret, Rejected, Remorse, Sadness, Sorrow, Tearful, Tormented, Torn, Tortured, Unhappy, Unloved, Unwanted, Vulnerable, Why me, Wounded

Take some time to think about the last you felt grief and allow yourself to welcome whatever comes up in this moment. 

Could you allow yourself to welcome this feeling as best you can?

Could you allow yourself to let it go as best you can?

Would you let it go?

When?

Repeat the process until you let go of some or all of your grief.

Fear

When we feel fear, our thoughts and pictures are focused on doom and destruction. All we think of and see is getting hurt, losing something, and protecting ourselves and those around us.

Some words that describe fear are:

Anxious, Apprehensive, Cautious, Clammy, Cowardice, Defensive, Distrust, Doubt, Dread, Embarrassed, Evasive, Foreboding, Frantic, Hesitant, Horrified, Hysterical, Inhibited, Insecure, Irrational, Nausea, Nervous, Panic, Paralyzed, Paranoid, Scared, Secretive, Shaky, Shy, Skeptical, Stage fright, Superstitious, Suspicious, Tense, Terrified, Threatened, Timid, Trapped, Uncertain, Uneasy, Vulnerable, Want to escape, Wary, Worry

Take some time to remember the last time you felt fear. Take a minute to be with the feeling that this memory brings up.

Could you allow yourself to welcome this feeling as best you can?
Could you allow yourself to let it go?
Would you let it go?
When?

Continue this process a few more times until you have let go of some or all of your fear.

Lust

In Lust, we sometimes try and medicate our minds with positive fantasies, but our fantasies are really about what we don’t have. Our thoughts focus on what we need to get and what we don’t have. No matter how much we get, we never feel satisfied and rarely enjoy what we have.
.
Abandon, Anticipation, Callous, Can’t wait, Compulsive, Craving, Demanding, Devious, Driven,
Envy, Exploitive, Fixated, Frenzy, Frustrated, Gluttonous, Greedy, Hoarding, Hunger, I want, Impatient, Lascivious, Lecherous, Manipulative, Miserly, Must have it, Never enough, Never satisfied, Oblivious, Obsessed, Overindulgent, Possessive, Predatory, Pushy, Reckless, Ruthless, Scheming, Selfish, Voracious, Wanton, Wicked

Take some time to think about the last you felt lust and allow yourself to welcome whatever comes up in this moment.

Could you allow yourself to welcome this feeling as best you can?
Could you allow yourself to let it go as best you can?
Would you let it go?
When?

Repeat the process until you let go of some or all of your lust.

Anger

With anger, we desire to strike out and hurt others but with hesitation. Our pictures are about destruction and what we will do to others. Our thoughts are about getting even.

Abrasive, Aggressive, Annoyed, Argumentative, Belligerent, Boiling, Brooding, Caustic, Defiant, Demanding, Destructive, Disgust, Explosive, Fierce, Frustrated, Fuming, Furious, Harsh, Hatred, Hostility, Impatience, Indignant, Irate, Jealous, Livid, Mad, Mean, Merciless, Murderous,
Outraged, Petulant, Pushy, Rebellious, Resentment, Resistant, Revolted, Rude, Savage, Simmering, Sizzling, Smoldering, Spiteful, Steely, Stern, Stewing, Stubborn, Sullen, Vengeful, Vicious, Violent, Volcanic, Wicked, Willful

Take some time to think about the last you felt anger and allow yourself to welcome whatever comes up in this moment.

Could you allow yourself to welcome this feeling as best you can?
Could you allow yourself to let it go as best you can?
Would you let it go?
When?

Repeat the process until you let go of some or all of your anger.

Pride

In pride, our thoughts and pictures are about what we have done and what we know. If
we are even aware of others, we hope they will notice how great we are.

Above reproach, Aloof, Arrogant, Bigoted, Boastful, Bored, Clever, Closed, Complacent, Conceited, Contemptuous, Cool, Critical, Disdain, Dogmatic, False dignity, False humility, False virtue, Gloating, Haughty, Holier than thou, Hypocritical, Icy, Isolated, Judgmental, Know-it-all, Narrow-minded, Never wrong, Opinionated, Overbearing, Patronizing, Pious, Prejudiced, Presumptuous, Righteous, Rigid, Self-absorbed, Self-satisfied, Selfish, Smug, Snobbish, Special, Spoiled, Stoic, Stubborn, Stuck-up, Superior, Uncompromising, Unfeeling, Unforgiving,
Unyielding, Vain

Take some time to think about the last you felt pride and allow yourself to welcome whatever comes up in this moment.

Could you allow yourself to welcome this feeling as best you can?
Could you allow yourself to let it go as best you can?
Would you let it go?
When?

Repeat the process until you let go of some or all of your pride.

Courageousness

Our thoughts and pictures focus on what we can do and learn, and how we can support
others in the same way. We find ourselves self-motivated and self-reliant while still allowing others to succeed. We can laugh out loud, even at our own mistakes. Life is fun.

Adventurous, Alert, Alive, Assured, Aware, Centered, Certain, Cheerful, Clarity, Compassion, Competent, Confident, Creative, Daring, Decisive, Dynamic, Eager, Enthusiastic, Exhilaration, Explorative, Flexible, Focused, Giving, Happy, Honorable, Humor, I can, Independent, Initiative, Integrity, Invincible, Loving, Lucid, Motivated, Non-resistant, Open, Optimistic, Perspective, Positive, Purposeful, Receptive, Resilient, Resourceful, Responsive, Secure, Self-sufficient,
Sharp, Spontaneous, Strong, Supportive, Tireless, Vigorous, Visionary, Willing, Zest

Take some time to think about the last you felt courage and allow yourself to welcome whatever comes up in this moment.

Could you allow yourself to welcome this feeling as best you can?
Could you allow yourself to let it go as best you can?
Would you let it go?
When?

Repeat the process until you let go of some or all of your courageousness.

Acceptance

In acceptance, our minds are mostly content and quiet. Our thoughts and pictures are in love with the exquisiteness of what is. Life is joyous.

Abundance, Appreciative, Balance, Beautiful, Belonging, Childlike, Compassion, Considerate, Delight, Elated, Embracing, Empathy, Enriched, Everything’s okay, Friendly, Fullness, Gentle,
Glowing, Gracious, Harmonious, Harmony, Intuitive, I have, In tune, Joyful, Loving, Magnanimous, Mellow, Naturalness, Nothing to change, Open, Playful, Radiant, Receptive, Secure, Soft, Tender, Understanding, Warm, Well-being, Wonder

Take some time to think about the last you felt acceptance and allow yourself to welcome whatever comes up in this moment.

Could you allow yourself to welcome this feeling as best you can?
Could you allow yourself to let it go as best you can?
Would you let it go?
When?

Repeat the process until you let go of some or all of your acceptance.

Peace

In peace, the mind is clear and empty, yet totally aware. There is no need for pictures or thoughts. Life is as it is, and all is well.

Ageless, Awareness, Being, Boundless, Calm, Centered, Complete, Eternal, Free, Fulfilled, 

Glowing, I am, Light, Oneness, Perfection, Pure, Quiet, Serenity, Space, Still, Timeless, Tranquility, Unlimited, Whole

Take some time to think about the last you felt at peace and allow yourself to welcome whatever comes up in this moment. 

Could you allow yourself to welcome this feeling as best you can?

Could you allow yourself to let it go as best you can?

Would you let it go?

When?

Repeat the process until you let go of some or all of your peace.

Letting Go of the 4 Basic Wants & How It Can Help Your Social Anxiety

We are all controlled by 4 basic wants: wanting control, approval, safety, or oneness. Behind every emotion, thought, and limiting belief are these four basic wants. 

Welcome, whatever you are feeling at this moment.

Does this feeling feel like it is coming from a wanting control, approval, safety, or oneness?

Could you as best as you let go of wanting control, approval, safety, or oneness? (Remember we are not saying let go of having control etc… we are saying to let go of “wanting control”).

You will find that with social anxiety there is a lot of wanting approval. When you let go of wanting approval there is freedom.

I have also found that I want approval from myself. This is why I am seeking it from others. When you let go of wanting approval from yourself there is more freedom. 

Another key want for me is the wanting of oneness. However, there might be a wanting of security (freedom from embarrassment) or even control (wanting control of your anxiety).

How To Put It All Together To Overcome Your Social Anxiety

You will not feel at peace in all social situations at first. I want you to strive for courage and not confidence. We want to feel confident, but the only way to feel confident is to have some courage to face social situations despite our fear. 

Consider yourself a winner if you face your fear. Don’t beat yourself up if you are awkward. It will take some practice. Instead, celebrate that you faced a fear. 

Also, practice being as relaxed as you can in social situations. Be aware if you are “tight” and work to keep your muscles loose, even if you are afraid. Watch out for shallow breathing and work on extending your breath. 

If you feel like you are embarrassed, remember that you can let this embarrassment go. Either directly or by letting go of the wants behind the embarrassment. I.e. control, approval, security, or oneness. 

You may fear facing future social situations. Instead, picture what you fear and learn to let this fear go until you feel at peace around the anticipated social situation.

Holistic Releasing

Life is made up of opposites. There is good and bad, open and closed, inside and outside. The same is true with emotions.

When you welcome both sides of an emotional field, they cancel each other out.

For example, feel as depressed as you do at this moment, welcome the feeling. Then welcome as happy as you feel at this moment. Keep going back and forth for a few minutes. 

If you followed the instructions, you probably are feeling much happier if you were depressed.

For Self Esteem

Can I hate myself as much as I do? Can I love myself as much as I do… If you have trouble welcoming the love welcome any amount of love you have. (It will increase as you do this process).

For Fear and Anxiety

Can I feel as afraid as I am? Can I feel as safe as I am?

Underlying General Fear

Can I expect something bad to happen? Can I expect something good to happen?

Embarrassment

Can I feel as embarrassed as I do? Can I feel as proud as I do? Again you may not feel proud but welcome as much as you can.

I created some videos too on the Sedona Method that will assist you in letting go. 

Get The Book

This was a brief introduction to The Sedona Method and how it can help your social anxiety. I highly recommend you get the book (affiliate link) as it completely changed my life. 

Just search Amazon if you do not want me to earn a small commission for recommending the book to you.

Another book you may like is Social Anxiety Solutions: Break Free from the Shyness That Holds You Back. (Again I will receive a small commission). 

Other Tools That May Help

Especially when you are alone, you want to feel relaxed. Relaxation is the opposite of anxiety and the more you practice it, the more it becomes a natural response. Use the following exercises throughout the day to become relaxed.

The Calming Breath Exercise

The Calming Breath Exercise will allow you to achieve a deep sense of relaxation quickly.

1.) Breathe slowly through your nose deep into your abdomen for a count of five. (slowly count to yourself one… two… three… four… five… while you inhale)

2.) Hold your breath for a count of five.

3.) Exhale slowly through your nose or mouth for a count of five.

4.) Once you exhaled completely take two breaths at your normal rhythm.

5.) Repeat steps 1-4 for at least 5 minutes.

Facing Your Fears Through Self-Hypnosis

Self-hypnosis is a great way to relax your body and train your subconscious mind to respond in new ways.  You can also just use this as a way to relax your body.

1.) Gently close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths. Imagine the number 5 in your mind. As you are imagining the number 5 allow your forehead to relax and go limp. Allow this relaxation to spread over your eyes while still imagining the number 5. Follow through by continuing to relax your nose, cheeks, upper lip, lower lip, chin, and the back of your head. 

2.) Next imagine the number 4 as you relax the back of your neck. Continue thinking of the number 4 and relax the right side of your neck, next, the front of your neck, and the left side. Continue this step 1 more time if needed as this area is often tight. 

3.) Next think of the number 3 while you relax your chest, your shoulders, your upper arms, your lower arms, your hands, and your fingers.  

4.) Now think of the number 2. Allow this relaxation to spread through your upper back, your middle and lower back, the buttocks, between the legs, and into the abdomen. 

5.) Finally think of the number 1. Allow the relaxation to spread through your hips, thighs, knees, calves, feet, and toes. 

6.) Now imagine the number zero as you feel completely relaxed and calm. Nothing to think about and nothing to do. 

7.) Use your imagination to picture yourself in a social situation. See yourself as calm and confident. Imagine that you have just the right things to say, there is a natural sense of flow to the conversation. 

9.) When you are finished count from 1 to 5, becoming more and more aware. 

Get 1-On-1 Social Anxiety Coaching

I am a life coach who specializes in social anxiety. Basically, I went from writing down what to say on the phone when ordering a pizza to running support groups. Now I live a happy normal life. I have been happily married for five years and work full-time after being on disability for my social anxiety.

There is nothing special about me. I just got support from people who had been through social anxiety and had the right coping skills. 

If you are looking for support from someone who has been through this thing called social anxiety and beat it, then let me help you.

Click here to learn more about my social anxiety coaching. 

P.S. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me. I am happy to help.

P.P.S. Did you enjoy this post? Please feel free to share it with others. Also, check out this post, 35 Powerful Social Anxiety Tips.